Kudo to spouses of caregivers!

 

 

KUDOS TO SPOUSES!

 

 

Reading Patrick's entry this morning stirred the gray matter and the emotions!

Kudos to the whole family who can let the spouse of the patient follow their career.

And I say special kudos to the patient who can let their needs be second to career building, income for the family, and "family stability".

I know that I had to keep teaching when Jack's physical needs had to be second  to my teaching career, I had to get in all the necessary time so I could retire.

It was "ours" but mostly Jack's decision to let me continue when in reality he needed more care than he received.

It is still Jack who often has his needs placed second to my more demanding mother and it is Jack who keeps his mouth closed and emotionally suffers when he sees me continuing in the position of "hired girl" instead of loving daughter.

It is Jack who has to share "me" and has a tired companion instead of a wife/caregiver who is ready to take him for excursions or dinners out.

It is Jack who had to also give up our home in California and the availability of his daughter  to move to this depressed part of the state of Oklahoma. 

 It is his days that are as boring and tiring as mine when he has to listen to my mother's commentaries about family, friends, possessions, and the weather! lol

I say Kudos to the spouses of the politicians who are running for president .  They are the ones who will secretly feel the reality that their spouses are putting their careers first and the silent personal fears that they dare not express less it 'discourage' or 'distract' the candidate. 

The politicians are givers of "caring" not caregivers because they have the $$$ to pay and provide professional  "caregivers" when it is necessary.  And in these cases it appears that stage has not been reached.  

 In my humble opinion "caregiving" is that emotional support and constant interaction with the patient that makes them the center of the "family" even when they are cared for in a nursing facility.  The question: Would these politicians still be career building if their wives conditions were more advanced?  This we will never know. 

Politics aside this has caused me some soul searching about more equal time for Jack.  I have questioned my position of "caregiver", am I being a caregiver or a custodian.  Some days I utterly fail at both jobs.

This was written after an exhausting and emotional conversation with my mother trying to make her understand WHY  I didn't take her with me to clean out her sister's garage.  It is the city clean up on Friday and the garage was full of trash and discards that needed to be carried away.  It was 'her' garage and 'her' trash and she needed to 'see' what was being thrown away.  Of course it has set there for years and we have a potential buyer who wants to take possession ASAP. 

After a restless night I am wondering if I was a caregiver for her or Jack, since all three of us felt the hurt and anger.  She was hurt and angry because I had taken over and I was hurt and angry because she didn't trust me to do the job right.  Jack was hurt and angry that although I try to do the right thing I am not appreciated and get emotionally upset.

TODAY ANOTHER EMOTIONAL STORM HITS!  The landscapers will be recontouring the yard with a bobcat; the plumbers will be invading our space to repair and upgrade; the city workers will be removing a metal junk pile that that my stepdad had built over the years. 

 There was a lot of planning to make these jobs spread out over a period of several weeks but a number of things caused all to come together on one day.  

WEATHER WISE: 80 percent chance of thunderstorms tonight......probably the same percent of emotional storms, also.

The caregiver/custodian has to make lots of difficult decisions and stick to them.  This job isn't easy!