The grief process.............

The nursing center where we have Mom have been very good to lead us into the period of saying good-bye. The grief process is painful for most and the staff has been careful to take us one step at a time. Yesterday afternoon they planned to move Mom to the room next to the nurse's area so they could keep a close eye on her.

Mom has been not eating well at all for several months. But she loved Ensure and the Resource at the nursing facility. Yesterday she refused the resource and further nurishment. I have gone up almost every day to feed her breakfast or to check on her later in the day. Some days I have gone several times just because I couldn't stay away. Lately I often found her asleep and knowing that was time when she was not in pain or uncomfortable, would not wake her. Yesterday they had just put her to bed and I stayed with her till she dropped off the sleep. I had handed her a soft stuffed animal and she clutched that and quickly relaxed. That was the first time she had showed any interested in the furry cat.

I called my daughter and together we talked about when she could come and things we needed to do. We both cried and later she called back that her employer said she could come whenever I called and asked. She had been here in February when her granny had surgery and remembered the good talks they had and expressions of love.

In the afternoon I went to the funeral home we had selected and asked a few questions. The owners grew up across the street from my Mom's home and it was easier to talk to someone from this small town who knew Mom. That was a big step because it seemed so final. I am finding that it is difficult to stayed focused on everyday things. I keep drifting off into memories and then the tears start.

Today is a new day and much to do for the living so must put the grieving aside for a little while. Peace.