Wednesday, May 28, 2008



At least I thought so...........but daughter, doctor, neighbors, friends, husband, others, have   decided to set me straight.  They keep telling me I don't have the training to take care of my mother with Alzheimers. 

 The doctor used this term for the first time in our last conversation. 

 She has a new medication that might help somewhat with memory problems.  In the last few weeks Mom has mentally slowed down.  Sometimes I think she has a little difficulty deciding just who I am (sometimes I wonder who I am too!).

A facility with trained staff sounds wonderful for her but it doesn't help my guilt feelings for giving up.

I hope I know when the time is right to do this change.  Some one out there who has made this decision.......Please Help!


paula933 said...

Oh, I don't think it's giving up at all!  How can you think a facility with trained staff as giving up......the Alzheimer's units have specialized nursing/staff that can provide her the best care.  You shouldn't have one iota of guilt for wanting the best care for your mother!  I think as caregivers we have to be smart enough to know when somebody else can offer more.....that's the guilt part, I think.

jckfrstross said...

the best thing you can do is go and check these places out. its never easy but it will help when the time comes


frankandmary said...

Is it giving up or giving in to reality?  My Father lived with me for years, & when he broke his hip in 2003 HE DECIDED to stay living in the facility I brought him to for rehab.  He'd already started on the road to dementia, but I was unwilling to accept that, for I thought *I* could help, provide him with better, do the right thing, make reality not happen...but I did not see it for that at the time. I was blinded by myopic duty & love.  That is wonderful in a way, but there is a time to let go of that for the greater good.
I will tell you there are HUGE differences in facilities & you should search for the best, visit many(as I did even once he was in the one he said he wanted to stay in), talk to caregivers, the residents. Do the back work.  It may be best for her & you, but not because you are not good enough or trying hard enough.  You are.  Sometimes you can try & try again, but the answer lies elsewhere.  
The fact that you are questioning all this, not taking the "easy" way, shows your dedication.  It is beautiful, but sometimes love is accompanied by scary & off center guilt feelings. You are not a bad daughter if your Mom goes into a facility, you are being flexible according to the current demands.  You are doing what is best for her at this moment(or at the moment you decide to do it); life & abilities change so that there is no clear map. ~Mary