GOING TO SEE MAMA

Going to visit my Mom is always an experience.  Sometimes she is glad to see me. The next time she is rather passive and not responsive.

Yesterday made me feel left out.  I never stay long just breeze in, sometimes rub her back, feed her a meal, just give her kisses (our special way), and leave her to rest or do whatever she is caught up in.  I have always felt that in most facilities there is little space for visiting, the resident feels like I did when I was in the hospital--just say hello and leave me alone, or I am in the way of the functioning of the facility. 

When I took the doughnuts yesterday, the girls all came down to say hello and thanks for being appreciated, waved at Mom and went about their business.  Mom didn't have much time for me, she told me she had a pain, her legs still hurt and not to touch them, and then asked if I was leaving! LOL  I noticed when the girls came in, she responded to their waves and smiled. 

The good thing about this is: Mom is so settled in that the nurses and aides that she sees all day long are more familiar to her than seeing my face daily.  She is also so bonded to them that they seem like her family and she has transferred dependency to them.  I need this in case Jack has problems and I need to spend time with him and not see Mom every day.  I should be grateful for the loving care that has made Mom attach herself to these ladies. 

My goal is to make Mom comfortable and content in her new living accommodations.  I am still her daughter but this group is her new family and they are the ones that make her comfortable, feed her, and give her smiles all day.  Emotionally I feel left out and more  like an observer.  Rationally, I am glad of the transfer and the adjustment.   I feel she is safe and better cared for than the job I was doing because of the professional  nurses and availability of a Physician Assistant.   This is what she deserves and what I wanted for her.  I am not sure what I expected with the dementia.  But I don't think I was quite ready for such a good adjustment and her not asking about home and her cat.  I worried about how I would handle that, and now I am hurt that I don't have to handle that!  Are we never satisfied? lol

No one I talked to-----told me this would be this difficult-----and I am sure it is different for everyone.