Monday is just another day...............

I have been trying to find ways to cope.  The frustration of fatigue, failure, and no fast food is beginning to be a wearing factor on the system.

Before the doctor started to tell me about caring for myself as well as my patients, I had decided some changes had to come about.  I had tried lots of band aides to the emotional stress but none seemed to cover the wounds left by sleepless nights and inexperience in caring for a parent.  There is a difference in caring for spouse and parent.

Sometime in the middle of the night on one of the treks from one end of the house to the other I realized I was hanging on to lots of resentment and anger because I could not get help.  (Long story about insurance coverage).   The frustration and anger had become a badge to wear to gain sympathy BUT it didn't bring help or comfort.

I buried myself in complaints and that didn't carry out the trash, clean the floors, do laundry, or prepare meals.  The complaints only sapped me of energy and the stamina that I needed each day.  The anger  made my heart pound, gave me headaches, and gave me a nasty attitude.  The attitude was my biggest worry.

Then in that middle of the night flash of inspiration came a bright light that let me see how foolish I was being.  I cannot change the situation but I can change how I really perceive  and handle the frustration.  What happened 10 minutes ago is gone.......this is a new  period of time.

Disconnecting the anger, letting go of the frustration, and cherishing each moment with my mom and husband is helping me get through the spring days.  It might not last forever, it might not work for anyone else, and it may only be a band aide until the hurt is better healed, but today is another opportunity to care.