The grief process.............

The nursing center where we have Mom have been very good to lead us into the period of saying good-bye. The grief process is painful for most and the staff has been careful to take us one step at a time. Yesterday afternoon they planned to move Mom to the room next to the nurse's area so they could keep a close eye on her.

Mom has been not eating well at all for several months. But she loved Ensure and the Resource at the nursing facility. Yesterday she refused the resource and further nurishment. I have gone up almost every day to feed her breakfast or to check on her later in the day. Some days I have gone several times just because I couldn't stay away. Lately I often found her asleep and knowing that was time when she was not in pain or uncomfortable, would not wake her. Yesterday they had just put her to bed and I stayed with her till she dropped off the sleep. I had handed her a soft stuffed animal and she clutched that and quickly relaxed. That was the first time she had showed any interested in the furry cat.

I called my daughter and together we talked about when she could come and things we needed to do. We both cried and later she called back that her employer said she could come whenever I called and asked. She had been here in February when her granny had surgery and remembered the good talks they had and expressions of love.

In the afternoon I went to the funeral home we had selected and asked a few questions. The owners grew up across the street from my Mom's home and it was easier to talk to someone from this small town who knew Mom. That was a big step because it seemed so final. I am finding that it is difficult to stayed focused on everyday things. I keep drifting off into memories and then the tears start.

Today is a new day and much to do for the living so must put the grieving aside for a little while. Peace.

How do you say good-by

How do you say good-by to a friend. Do you hug? Walk them to the car, or out on the sidewalk?

How do you say good-by to someone you love?

Do you hold them in an embrace? A kiss on the cheek? Do you hold their hand?

I thought I was getting stronger or maybe more stoic. I am not sure.

I know when we used to visit and had to leave Mom and go back to California..........the embrace was sometimes tearful but often warm and dried eyed. Maybe we just were afraid to cry.

Saying good-by isn't easy for anyone, especially when it is final.

In the hands of destiny...........

Almost three years ago we came to this last frontier.  The first thing was to find Jack a doctor.  We asked around and a couple of people mentioned the local clinic.  They said the doctor was kind and thorough.

This year the doctor has been in the local clinic for three years and was named the Rural Physician of Oklahoma 2008.  Wow! 

 We thought this guy who made home visits and was so good with my 90 year old Mom. was special.  He was thoughtful when dealing with Jack, and adamant about me taking time for myself.  We certainly picked a winner.  Of course there will those who can find something to criticize but that is human nature for some.

Sometimes you win, hands down!  Peace!

THE SANDS OF TIME SHIFT AND CHANGE

It had been over a month since I have put anything into this journal.  Things are changing, some good, some not as we would like them.

Mom has been in a nursing facility now for over three months.  Most of the time she seems happy and content.  She has had some bad days that caused me to very grateful to the staff.   Most days she knows who I am and is glad to see me.  I seldom miss a day going to check on her and rubbing her back, giving lots of hugs and kisses, and other endearments.

Here at the house I am dealing with the aspect that Mom won't be coming back here to live and am trying to make small "baby step" changes.  To be more radical would difficult without some guilt feelings. 

Jack is having more health problems and knowing Mom is taken care of so well makes my work here much easier.  He encourages me to go see about Mom each day.  I sometimes hate to leave him because of some difficult he is having but to not go takes away the help he is trying to give.

Many say they understand the choices that I am having to make and I appreciate their concern and sympathy.  When you miss the man who sat next to Mom at each meal and learn he became ill and passed this weekend; her roommate is missing and she too is gone;   you want to hold on to each moment that we share. 

Mom doesn't talk a great deal and it is difficult for her to make her thoughts understandable but the smile is still there.  I think all the people around her helps keep her from loneliness and boredom.

Peace reigns! 

What does it mean to be homeless?

I have laughingly said many times that Jack and I are homeless.  In reality we are.  This is mother's house.  We live here we make improvements and repairs and pay for them ourselves.  But some things are never open for change.

We have in the past had guests that were sent to bed by my mother.  Some she had openly refused to visit with.  And some she did not want us to invite to the house.  This is not our home.........we did not have many options.

She did not like some of the music Jack played.  She definately had likes and dislikes and perferred the music to television.  And although we paid the  utility bill covering the television she complained that it was on all the time.  This was not our home....sometimes it is uncomfortable to go against the grain and often compromise is not an option.

We painted our room and she said it certainly didn't need paint, we were wasting time and money,etc.  This is not our home and her vision capabilities often didn't make her fully aware of the need for paint. 

We needed to move furniture to help Jack have access to the rest of the house.  She did not like the idea but approved after we went ahead and did it anyway.  Sometimes it was hard to be as stubborn as she was! LOL

We liked certain foods.  She did not like to go out and she perferred other foods.   I found I was sometimes cooking several extra meals a day to make everyone comfortable and happy.   Again this was not our home.

The  biggest issue was privacy.  Although there was a door separating our room from the rest of the house, it seemed rude to close that door.   If we were bathing, I had to always go and tell her we were bathing and we needed the door closed for privacy.  Often at night she would come into our room and wake us or sit  awhile.   I would awake to find her bending over me asking me why wasn't I getting up...hee hee (always in the middle of the night) or she would just start talking and wake both of us.  This in truth was not our home.

My daughter and I have talked about her sharing the house with us and we laughed about all the problems that could occur even though we are all family.   And again, how would she feel, it isn't her home either!

Peace!

It has been awhile since the last post.......and again it has Rained!   We were getting well toasted with tripple diget temperatures...the highest 110.   The Great Plains really is warm this summer!

We have lost lots of kitties this summer, guess the heat and the upper resporitory problems have been the major problems.  Lost 4 just this week and expect there will be more before the weekend. 

I am learning to deal with grief I guess.  Mom is doing well and seems to continue to be comfortable and happy.  Doctor has threatened to come to the house and see the wound on Jack's leg that the therapist have been treating for almost a year.   It is healing but the therapist ask for recertification order and a culture prescription so he asked questions and said if he was not satisfied with the answers he would come to the house.    He didn't say anything about Jack coming to his office..... guess he thought it was too hot!  (smiles)

We had plans to go out today but the rain has stopped us and it is an all day forcast.  Jack does not like to take his power chair out in the rain........it isn't like he is splashing down the street in mudholes or puddles but they told him to not go out in the rain......so we don't!

I have a good book, lots of cleaning of closets and dresser drawers, a estate house to clean out, cabinets to clean and dishes to sort for charity, I can think of a million things to do........so will just rest maybe! LOL

Peace!